and she was petting her beer can
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
