I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
