M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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