When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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