She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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