Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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