He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
