I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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