Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
