none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
