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I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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