fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
