Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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