Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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