My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
