I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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