I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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