So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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