I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this hospital has no fireball
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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