One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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