I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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