remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
