No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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