We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
