I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
