On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this boner is exhausting
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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