im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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