it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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