I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
