a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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