grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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