i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
