Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
