apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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