okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
