Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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