yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
