My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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