On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
why do cheetos always look like penises
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
