I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
