I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
