roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
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I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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