Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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