the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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