Soap is not a condiment
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
