You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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