i barfeds in our rink
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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