I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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