When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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