OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
