you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
