By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
