You can't motorboat a personality
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
