i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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