My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
