Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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