You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
