Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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