all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
