Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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