A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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