I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
