it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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